Wednesday, October 08, 2008
♥ From a Mother's Grieving
I don't even know where to start ... well, maybe to ask for your prayers ... and to thank you because I know you will lovingly pray for me and my family.I started having contractions on Monday (10/6) morning at 3AM. I got admitted to the hospital 9AM, being prepped for an emergency C-section. When they were checking for a heartbeat, they heard none. My doctor brought in the machine to do an ultrasound. My doctor was on my left when he started scanning the baby. He passed over the heart. He didn't say anything, but moved to my right to check again ... but I already knew - I saw - his heart wasn't beating.
I was induced that day - my doctor wanted me to give birth naturally so as to avoid trauma to my body. I gave birth to my son - Jeran Jasper Enriquez - at 6:22AM on October 7, 2008. He was 6.2lbs., 20". He was beautiful. Perfect.
The doctor said the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.
People say how hard it is for a parent to bury a child. How about: how do you say goodbye to someone you never even got the chance to say hello to? How do you come to terms with the fact that you son is already a memory before he even begun to be? What's even harder is knowing that in just 2 weeks time, he would have been here with us ...
My heart is beyond broken ... beyond shattered. Just when I think that my heart can't break anymore, it does. When I think I have no more tears to cry, I shed more. when I think I can't hurt anymore, I do.
But I take comfort in knowing that God has his reasons. In His infinite and perfect wisdom, there is a reason. He picked my son to be one of His angels this soon for a purpose. I don't see the great picture the Master has painted, but I trust Him and know He has a greater plan in store for us ... for my Jeran. My son is in a better place now ... someday I'll be with him. Right now, it hurts to have empty arms ... to not be able to hold him. But I can hold him in my heart ... and I have an angel watching over me and my family.
I had him in me for 9 months, but only got to hold him for 6 hours, maybe less. I had to give him back ... just as I have to give him back to the Lord. But for a few hours, I held an angel in my arms.
Held up by His strength,
RJ & MJ
7:41 PM
